$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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