i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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