and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
