So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
