i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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