I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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