Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
