You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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