Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
