is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
