Best friends brother. Beat that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
