I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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