good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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