Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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