Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
