Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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