if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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