Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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