i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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