you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
