i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Text me some of your sweat
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
