It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
