I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
