as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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