fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
