Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
