Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
