Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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