Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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