Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
