the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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