And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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