pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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