There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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