i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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