I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
