Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
