Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize