I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
