Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
