Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
