My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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