P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
