I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
