we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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