Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
