Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
