I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
