i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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