sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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