Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
