There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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