Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
