In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
