It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
