Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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