if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
