I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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