Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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