Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
