Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
soo... how was my night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
