hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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