I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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