How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
