sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
