i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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