How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are all done wearing pants today
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
