Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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