You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize