glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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