hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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