I want to stick my p in your. b.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
