WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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