Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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