Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
