what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just tell him i said nine months
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
