i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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