The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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