Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
