Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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