My room smells like vodka and shame
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
