When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize